Parenting Adult Children

If Your Meddling, Stop It!

All the struggles & mistakes & rebellion of my adult children can be attributed, in large part, to the sin nature I passed on to them! Bad parenting begets bad parenting! The answer is NOT to try harder to fix them! Your adult children will resent your “meddling” in their lives! The answer is NOT to read the newest “self help” book on the subject, either!

Do You See A Pattern Here?

Genesis 37 contains the sordid story of Jacob & Rachel and their dysfunctional family. Pick it up; and, read it all over again! What you will see is a pattern of sin learned from the previous generation. When Jacob’s sons deceived him with a robe covered in goat’s blood, they convinced him that their brother,  Joseph, had been killed. They learned to lie & deceive from their own father, Jacob, and their grandmother, Rebekah, who hatched up a scheme to deceive her husband, Isaac, to bless Jacob instead of his older brother, Esau! Where did Isaac & Rebekah learn to deceive? From Isaac’s parents, Abraham & Sarah, who cooked up a story that Sarah was his sister (Genesis 20) over fear that a king would kill Abraham to obtain Sarah for his wife! You’ll also find “favoritism”, “passive parenting”, “jealousy”, “hate”—all being passed on from one generation to the next! “The apple never falls far from the tree!”

What’s The Answer?

The answer to the dysfunction in our homes—and all of our homes ARE dysfunctional—is the Gospel! The “good news” of the Gospel says, “I cannot; but, God can!” I can’t save myself; but, God can save me! I cannot overcome my hurts, habits & hangups; but, God’s Spirit can help me overcome them! I cannot fix the dysfunction in my relationships with my children; nor, can I fix the dysfunction they’ve brought into their marriages & families! But, God can—that’s the Gospel! God alone can help us overcome the sinful dysfunction we all bring into our homes! Jesus took all our sin, our guilt, and our shame with Him to the cross & He paid for it all! His work atones for even our bad parenting if we’ll humble ourselves & confess to Him that we’re incapable of fixing it! Extend grace to your adult kids like God did to you!

Don’t Become Their Judges

It’s easy to become judgmental, of our adult children, when it seems they don’t want to hear our opinions anymore. Maybe we need to listen more & talk less! If we don’t change the way we parent, as they become adults, relational tension will develop between us. If you desire to be a blessing to your adult children, begin by confessing your own brokenness to them & to God. Then, pray relentlessly for the Spirit to work on you & your adult children! Trust God to do the Spirit’s work that you cannot do. When you act like the Holy Spirit in their life, all they’ll hear is nagging! Give them over to God! They are His!

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