Category Archives: Difficult people

Handling Conflict In The Church

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Put Up With One Another

It amazes me how quickly the advocates of “tolerance” sound off & run off everyone who disagrees with them. Not very tolerant, are they? The Apostle Paul tells the Church of Rome to knock off that kind of behavior. He says that God intends to grow you spiritually as you learn to willingly put up with one another— “Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, to build him up” (Rom. 15:2). We don’t join a faith community to please ourselves! The purpose, of becoming a church member, is to please our neighbor “…for his good, to build him up.” Or, to “edify” if you prefer to use the theological term!

We’re Here To Serve Others

It’s a matter of focus— our interaction, in the body, should be “other’s focused”, not “self-focused.” Like Jesus, we’re here to serve others; not, to be served! Only when we put up with each other; and, bear with the weaknesses of others, will God use us to help construct the spiritual lives of others! It’s having the mindset of a “discipler”— someone who helps others grow as a disciple of Jesus. There’s no better motivator than Jesus Himself. God will give us grace to put up with each other; and, to build up each other, as we look to Jesus for our motivation! As we fix our eyes on Christ, we remember that He did not come to please Himself; but, He made Himself a servant (See Philippians 2:5-11).  Paul said:  “For even the Messiah did not please Himself. On the contrary, as it is written, The insults of those who insult You have fallen on Me” (Rom. 15:3).  He’s quoting Psalm 69:9 and referring to Jesus.

Love Like Jesus Loved

Jesus embraced the insults of mean-spirited, hateful people; and, on the cross, He bore the reproach that we should have bore! We love like Jesus loved when we willingly endure each other’s “heat-of-the-moment” hasty words; and, rather than returning evil for evil, we seek to resolve the conflict & make peace! We extend grace! So, look again at the progression of Paul’s words in Romans 15— if we’re going to be strong enough, in our faith, to “put up” with weak or prickly people (v.1); and, “build them up” (v.2) when we’re tempted to smack them, we have to “look up” to Jesus (v.3); and, “grow up” in our faith (v.4).  We won’t get that kind of counsel from the world!

Understand The Scriptures

Paul tells the Church of Rome that we can only have that Christ-like mindset as we understand the Scriptures— or, those things which were “written in the past” (v.4). It’s only through the “instruction” and “encouragement” of the Word, he says, that we have any hope of enduring those difficult relationships in life.  And, we will never “grow up” in our faith if we run away from every uncomfortable or difficult relationship in our faith community. We need to remain faithful to one another as a testimony to those outside the Church. In a band, there are all kinds of different instruments & a variety of musicians playing them. But, bring them all together under the direction of a capable conductor & they can produce beautiful music together. That beautifully illustrates the Church when Jesus is doing the conducting!

Daniel: Responding To A Crisis Of Faith

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(Note: This is the 5th in a series of posts on Daniel’s life)

Responding To Impossible Demands

Powerful individuals often demand the seemingly impossible from their subjects! So, it wasn’t really surprising that Babylon’s King Nebuchadnezzar would dream a dream and insist that his counselors tell him WHAT he dreamed, in addition to an accurate interpretation! His threat— to kill them if they didn’t come through— was very real.  As the story unfolds— in Daniel ch.2— we’re invited into Daniel’s life, to see his response to a crisis of faith! His life was threatened, by the king’s impossible demands, as well! Would his actions match up with what he said he believed? Or, would he fall completely apart like the rest of the king’s advisory team?

The Bottom Line Of The Story

Daniel shows us how to respond to an impossible situation— that’s the big idea behind this post! That’s the bottom line here in our story.  First, the text, of Scripture, says that he responds with tact and discretion (v.14).  Tact is “a keen sense of what to say or do without being offensive; the skill of dealing with difficult or delicate situations.” And, this is about as delicate as it gets! Arioch, the king’s captain, is at your front door & he’s there to haul you away to be executed! What would you do? Run, panic, demand your rights?

A Better Way To Respond

Chuck Swindoll has noted that “some Christians think the only sensible response to unjust secular authority is brash rebellion.” That’s certainly a sad symptom of the American church today. Though Scripture commands us NOT “…to return evil for evil…” (1 Peter 3:9 for example); or to fight like the world fights, there are many in the church today who seriously lack tact and discretion. Daniel shows us another way! A better way! A Biblically approved way! His confidence in God’s Sovereign control, of the situation, allowed him to act with tact; and, with discretion. Discretion is “that quality of being wise & careful in the way someone acts or speaks.” 

Honoring The Governing Authority

He acts, with discretion, by asking clarifying questions! And, he was rewarded with an audience before the king (v.16). He honored the king’s authority & asked for time to satisfy the king’s demands. Many, in the Western church, would do well to follow Daniel’s example; and, honor the governing authority. He stood before a more wicked ungodly leader than any American president we’ve ever disagreed with; and, Daniel doesn’t use slanderous campaign tactics! He doesn’t rail at him for being unfair! He shows tact & discretion; and, that gains him an audience and respect from the king!

God’s End Game

We must never forget that God is in the details! He removed Israel from the land; and, He raised up wicked King Nebuchadnezzar to judge them! But, that wasn’t God’s end game! He planned to humble that wicked king and bring him to faith; and, God would use his budding relationship with Daniel to accomplish that. But, only because Daniel honored the king & used wisdom, tact & discretion; and, the king took notice— “…he found him ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters that were in all his kingdom” (1:21).  May God help us to follow Daniel’s example when facing a crisis of faith! Give us Holy Spirit “filters” for our mouths! Give us wisdom, tact & discretion NOT to say everything that enters our mind! Let’s remember that because we still live in our sinful flesh, many times our 1st response is a sinful response!

The Church: Designed To Change Us

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Building Each Other Up

Jesus never intended that we would “lone wolf” the Christian life as an individual! Rather, He planned to use the local church “community” to sanctify and change us! If you have doubts, just read Paul’s letter to the Church of Ephesus; especially, chapter 4. It was NOT his intent that we view “the Church” as some “universal body” out there somewhere! He spoke to the body of faith that made up that specific local Church of Ephesus. In v.16 he tells this church that it’s the “WHOLE BODY” that ministers to the “WHOLE BODY.” And, he says that spiritual growth happens in the corporate life of the church when all the individual members are working together properly—  “In LOVE, building each other up!”

Smoothing Out Our Rough Edges

The “each other” referred to the believers in the Church of Ephesus; not, some “universal church” on the other side of planet Earth. We can pray for believers on the other side of the planet; but, it’s simply impossible to build up believers in their faith with whom we have no physical contact or interaction! Jesus intends to use all the different people, with their diverse personalities & traits, to change us! He uses the difficult people, the annoying people, the “special grace” people, and, the sinful people to smooth out our rough— and, sometimes sinful— edges! “From Him, the whole (“local church”) body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the (“local church”) body for building up itself in love by the proper working of each individual part (of the “local church”)” v.16.  It is by our unique, diverse, spiritual experiences, with God, that together— as a “local church”— we have the opportunity to provide rich counsel & support to each other!

Mutual Support Within The Body

For the one struggling with alcohol addiction, there are believers, in the body, who’ve been delivered from it! For the one struggling with sexual sin, there are believers, in the body, who are winning that battle with the Spirit’s help! So, there’s someone who will stand with you & encourage you in the fight! For those who admit they are a gossip; or, a liar; or, have anger issues; or, a cursing tongue; or, they’re bitter— someone in the local church body has been there; or, they’re fighting the same battle; and, together there’s mutual support! The illustration of the church as a “body” is a perfect example of how the church is supposed to work. What do you do if you cut yourself? Or if you sprain an ankle? The rest of your body comes to the rescue, right? You don’t just leave the cut finger to itself; to get infected! You bandage it! You wrap the sprained ankle so it’ll heal!

There’s An App For That

Jesus designed the Church to be a body, a community, or a family, that meets one another’s needs! Someone, in the local church family, has either overcome the sin you are struggling with; and, can offer support; or, someone is fighting the same battle & together you can keep each other accountable & see God do a sanctification work in your lives!  In summary, here’s what Paul is telling the local Church of Ephesus: God makes us stronger “collectively” than we will ever be “individually.” It’s the lone ranger sheep, not engaged in the community life of the Church, that the wolf goes after! He’s easy prey! Now, perhaps you are wondering where you can find this kind of church! I’m afraid they are few; and, far between! Pray! Ask God’s Spirit to direct you! Search out this kind of church; and, BE that kind of church member! God Bless!