When Good Sex Goes Bad

When It Happens Outside Of Marriage

According to God—who, by the way, created sex—healthy sex only happens within a marriage between a man and a woman. The Word of God warns us about the consequences of sexual conduct outside the safety of marriage. All other sexual activities are spiritually unhealthy because they involve disobedience to God and His Word. Additionally, they can also lead to physical and emotional harm. The effects often create a ripple effect, negatively impacting families and future generations.

Messing Up People’s Lives

When your sex life doesn’t align with Scripture, it can impact not just you but many others as well. Here’s something to consider, especially if you feel like you’ve already made too many mistakes—that you’re beyond hope. Maybe you grew up in a worldly environment and were never taught these biblical truths. Or perhaps you heard them but believed you were clever enough to outsmart ‘the system,’ so you experimented with sex and are now facing the consequences. The good news is that, thanks to Jesus’ work on the cross, you are not beyond redemption! 

Good News For Those Who Messed Up

The Gospel is good news for every sinner, regardless of the sin! We serve a God who brings beauty from ashes. Through the cross, there is forgiveness and restoration. So, don’t hide behind your sin any longer—confess it so you may be healed (James 5:16). From this day forward, stand firmly on the foundation of God’s Word when it comes to your sexual purity. God’s Word alone provides the flawless counsel needed to build healthy marriages. In 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul shares several truths about sexuality as directed by God: “It is good for a man not to have relations with a woman. But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband… I say the following as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all people were just like me. But each has his own gift from God—one person in this way and another in that way. I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:1, 6-8)

Is Celibacy A Gift?

What Paul is advocating here is celibacy. He appears to suggest that celibacy is a gift from God given to certain individuals. So, if the idea of living a celibate life seems impossible for you, it likely means that you do not have that particular gift. I intentionally use the word celibacy instead of singleness because celibacy more accurately describes what Paul is referring to—complete abstinence from all sexual relations. In contrast, our modern culture tends to favor the term singleness, often associating it with a lack of relational or sexual boundaries. It’s seen as a lifestyle of ‘Sex and the City’ or ‘friends with benefits,’ making it a poor reflection of what Paul is actually addressing. When Paul says, ‘It is good for a man not to have relations with a woman‘ (v.1), he is using it as a euphemism for sexual intercourse—which is confirmed by the context of verse 2. Therefore, celibacy is not only a legitimate option but a good and honorable gift from God.
 

Spiritual Brokenness!

-Life’s Painful Events!

God tells us, in His Scriptures, that He will use all of life’s painful events to bring us to the point of spiritual brokenness! Only when we are spiritually broken will He do His spiritual work in us! As long as we’re angry & pride-filled & blaming God for the junk in our life— as Israel did in the Old Testament— we remain unteachable! But, when we humble ourselves; and, look in the mirror of Scripture; and, agree with God that we’re the problem; only, then can He begin to work change in our lives for our good; and, for His glory! 

-Unwilling To Humble Ourselves!

It is because we are generally unwilling to humble ourselves that God choreographs the painful events in life to break us! I remember officiating at a wedding; and, one of the friends, of the bridal party, made a point, after the rehearsal dinner, to pick a theological fight with me; and, tell me how much God had done him wrong! I believe it was the wisdom, of God’s indwelling Holy Spirit, that prompted me to keep my mouth shut! It was not the right time to speak! So, I just listened. But, then he hit me up again after the rehearsal dinner; and, I still said very little. But, the next day, the day of the wedding, he hit me up one more time about how God had wronged him. And, this time I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to speak! So, I asked him about all the wrongs he had done to God! How he had sinned against Him & stiff-armed God’s attempts to show Him love, grace & mercy! And, I told him I wasn’t really into entertaining anymore of his criticism about God, until he was willing to humble himself and fess up to what he had done to mess up his relationship with God! And, then, I walked away! After the wedding & the reception, as I was leaving, he came up to me—with some humility—and, said, “Maybe we need to get together and talk a little more about this.” And, I said I’d be happy to!

-God Is Not The Problem!

Until we see our brokenness, we’ll always think that God is the problem! That He’s just not fair! Listen, we don’t deserve anything better than we receive! Like Judah, in the book of Jeremiah, we deserve judgment because of our sin! This isn’t just Judah’s story! This is our story also! This is the way that God works! He deals with Judah the way He deals with everyone! “Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked,” Galatians 6:7 says, “for whatever a man sows he will also reap.” I find that when people are mad at God over the events in their lives, that it’s typically because they’re reaping the results of their wild oats that they sowed earlier! Not always! But, often that’s the case! Evil delivers its own results!

The Nail Hole!

Someone said it like this:  “You can pull out the nail from the wall; but, you can’t pull out the nail hole.” God is gracious! And, when you humble yourself before Him He’ll help us live with the “nail hole”; but, He doesn’t remove it! The drunkard, who loses his arm in a horrific accident caused by his drunkenness, will not grow back his arm when he comes to Jesus and accepts Him as his Savior! I will always bear the scars of some of my sinful decisions! And, so will you! But, I’m thankful that God’s Spirit used those things to break me & to humble me so I could get right with Him! Be thankful for the way that God uses life’s painful events to change your heart toward Him! Just open your Bibles to the book of Jeremiah, chapter 31; and, read verses31-40 especially! The Prophet Jeremiah foretells the day when God would make a new covenant with His people; and, by this covenant, He will put His teachings inside them! The Apostle Paul, in his 1st letter to the Corinthian church, tells us that Jesus’ blood sealed that covenant (ch.11)! By His blood, we are changed!