Parenting Adult Children

-The Sinful Nature I Passed On

All the struggles & mistakes & rebellions of my adult children can be attributed, in large part, to the sinful nature I passed on to them! Bad parenting begets bad parenting! The answer is NOT to try harder to fix them! Your adult children will resent your “meddling” in their lives! The answer is NOT to read the newest “self-help” book on the subject, either! The Old Testament book of Genesis contains the sordid story of Jacob & Rachel and their dysfunctional family. Pick it up; and, read it all over again!  Especially read chapter 37.

-A Pattern Of Sin

What you will see is a pattern of sin learned from the previous generation. When Jacob’s sons deceived him with a robe covered in goat’s blood, they convinced him that their brother,  Joseph, had been killed. They learned to lie & deceive from their father, Jacob, and their grandmother, Rebekah, who hatched up a scheme to deceive her husband, Isaac, to bless Jacob instead of his older brother, Esau! Where did Isaac & Rebekah learn to deceive? From Isaac’s parents, Abraham & Sarah, who cooked up a story that Sarah was his sister (Genesis 20) over fear that a king would kill Abraham to obtain Sarah for his wife!

-God Alone Can Fix This

You’ll also find “favoritism”, “passive parenting”, “jealousy”,  and “hate”— all being passed on from one generation to the next! “The apple never falls far from the tree!” The answer to the dysfunction in our homes— and all of our homes ARE dysfunctional— is the Gospel! The “good news” of the Gospel says, “I cannot; but, God can!” I can’t save myself; but, God can save me! I cannot overcome my hurts, habits & hangups; but, God’s Spirit can help me overcome them! I cannot fix the dysfunction in my relationships with my children; nor, can I fix the dysfunction they’ve brought into their marriages & families! But, God can— that’s the hope we have in the Gospel! God alone can help us overcome the sinful dysfunction we all bring into our homes! Jesus took all our sins, our guilt, and our shame with Him to the cross & He paid for it all! His work atones for even our bad parenting if we’ll humble ourselves & confess to Him that we’re incapable of fixing it! Extend grace to your adult kids as God did to you!

-Don’t Become Their Judges

I’ve known of Christian parents who have “disowned” their children because they’re caught up in some sinful lifestyle! But, let’s think that through! Is that how God responds to us? I don’t think so! God is always extending a loving, merciful, gracious hand! He’s always there to forgive when we humble ourselves before Him and confess our sins! If we’re going to be faithful “image bearers” we need to represent God in our relationships with our adult children! It’s easy to become judgmental when it seems they don’t want to hear our opinions anymore. Maybe we need to listen more & talk less! If we don’t change the way we parent, as they become adults, relational tension will develop between us. If you desire to be a blessing to your adult children, begin by confessing your brokenness to them & God. Then, pray relentlessly for the Spirit to work on you & your adult children! Trust God to do the Spirit’s work that you cannot do. When you act like the Holy Spirit in their life, all they’ll hear is nagging! Give them over to God! They are His!

The Glory Due His Name!

-But We Are Self-Focused!

Why do “resolutions” at the start of a new year rarely work? I recently did a GOOGLE search for “New Year’s Resolutions” and came up with 18,600,000 hits in 0.54 seconds. There are more than 18 million articles, blogs, posts, sites, and news stories dedicated to the subject of New Year Resolutions! What does that mean? Well, I’d say, among other things, it means that people are always longing for change! They’re looking for strategies and formulas to help them eat less, exercise more, quit smoking…yada, yada, yada! Can I make an observation? Full disclosure here—I am NOT against “New Years Resolutions”! I am not against “Self Improvement”! But, I’ve come to believe that the reason “New Years Resolutions” and other methods for “Self Improvement” aren’t very successful is because they’re all “SELF” focused!

-We Need A Savior!

And, as a Bible believer and disciple, of Jesus Christ, I agree with the doctrine of man’s fallenness! I see the depravity and brokenness in my own life! I’ve learned I can’t trust my fallen nature; so, I’m not surprised by my inability to keep promises & resolutions to myself! I need help! I need a Savior! Here’s what I’ve seen in my life and the lives of countless others through the years—when I quit focusing on myself; and, I focus my heart, my thoughts & my energy on Jesus Christ, CHANGE begins to happen! Personal change happens when I quit being all absorbed in myself & look at Jesus over and over again—MEDITATE on Him! MEMORIZE His words!

-Preoccupied With God!

For change to take place, our greatest preoccupation must be with God & His Glory! We exist for His Glory! So, if we don’t live our lives for His Glory we miss our purpose; or, our very reason for existence! We live a wasted life! I don’t like the sound of that; and, I’m sure you don’t either! Preaching on the doctrine of “God’s Glory” is difficult because it’s as deep as God’s character, which is eternal, inexhaustible and indefinable! It’s also difficult because it’s easily misunderstood—“Why is God so concerned about His Glory? He must be some kind of GLORY HOG!” And, then, it’s difficult to understand the part we play in bringing God glory! All of which means that we don’t really know how to define it adequately, do we?

-A Working Definition Of “Glory”!

Let me try and illustrate “glory” for you. While stopping at a store, in Hollywood, Christian music artist, LeCrae, pulled a very ordinary, plain, cotton T-shirt off a rack to check it’s price. Thinking it had to be mismarked, he pulled another one only to find the same price on the tag. Incredulous, he approached the sales clerk to question the exorbitant price of $640. He was told that was the “special” sales price! When he asked what could possibly make it so special, the clerk said, “It’s the designer’s name on it that adds value to it.” Get the illustration? The reason God alone deserves all glory is because He’s the DESIGNER of everything! His NAME is on everything! And, it’s His Name that adds value to it! So, when we speak about God’s Glory we define it as “the ESSENCE & BEAUTY of His Spirit”; or, the beauty of His Character!