Monthly Archives: July 2025

Complementary Love & Submission

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Taking A Vacation: Next Post August 20

It’s Not About Equality

In our culture, we tend to equate any kind of “submission” to another person as a sign of “inequality.” That’s unfortunate because it simply isn’t true! All of us submit to our boss at work—not because of inequality, but because of order! God designed order into every area of His world, including the home. Jesus Himself submitted to that order in the home: “And He (Jesus) went down with them (His parents) and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them” (Luke 2:51). I certainly hope that doesn’t mean Jesus, the second member of the Triune Godhead, was somehow beneath His human parents!

Jesus Submitted To The Father

And what of Jesus’ submission to the Father within the Triune Godhead? He is just as much “God” as the Father and the Spirit. But He voluntarily gave in to the Father’s lead: “Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage. Instead, He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men. And when He had come as a man in His external form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross” (Philippians 2:5–8). Did you see that? He was equal with God the Father, but He didn’t use that to His own advantage! Rather, He humbled Himself and voluntarily became obedient to the Father.

Wives Looking Like Jesus

Wives—nothing you do within the structure of your home makes you look more like Jesus than when you voluntarily give up control to your husband—not because you’re incapable! In fact, I’ve counseled many marriages in which the wife was clearly the more capable leader. But when she gave that up voluntarily, it changed the entire dynamics of their home. By doing so, she empowered her husband to lead and love, and she “imaged” Jesus for her children. Ladies, that’s how you complement your husband according to God’s design for the home. And men, you complement your wife’s voluntary submission by your love for her: “Husbands, love your wives…” (Colossians 3:19).

A Voluntary, Sacrificial Love

The context of this Colossians 3 passage shows that the wife’s submission is prompted by a husband who shows her unselfish love. In no way does the Scripture imply that the husband is to demand submission from his wife! It’s impossible to draw that meaning from this text. The relationships are understood to be reciprocal. He gains the voluntary submission of his wife as he loves her, and she enjoys more of his love as she voluntarily submits to him. That word translated “love” is agape in the original language, and it’s interesting that agape love is a voluntary, sacrificial kind of love. Her submission is to be voluntary, and his love is to be given voluntarily. It’s not governed by feelings—it’s a love that looks out for her best interests, regardless! A love that refuses to turn “bitter,” as Paul points out in the rest of verse 19.
 

God’s Design For The Family

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We’re All Someone’s Son or Daughter

Family and parenting are subjects that all of us can relate to! We’re all part of a family. We’re all someone’s son or daughter. If we’re married, we’re someone’s husband or wife. If not, we’re probably hoping to one day be someone’s husband or wife. Most of us either have kids or hope to have a family someday. Our infinitely wise Creator designed a husband and wife to complement—or complete—each other. And He’s also designed the family to work together in a certain way.

Something Beautiful Happens

When the family works the way God designed it, something awesome and beautiful happens! Families bring glory to God and joy to each family member when God’s design specifications are followed by faith. The Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the ancient church of Colossae that is hated by the world. But if, by faith, you will believe God’s Word and live it out—by the power of God’s Holy Spirit—your family will bring glory to God, and you will find joy! Your life will be a blessing to your family and to everyone you rub shoulders with in life. “And whatever you do,” Paul begins, “in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Wives, be submissive to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged.” —Colossians 3:17–21.

Do It God’s Way

Whatever you do, Paul says, do it God’s way—according to His design—including husbands, wives, and families! That’s the context here. Wives! He begins with wives. If you want to bring glory to God and live a joy-filled life, be submissive to your husband. Now, the order has perplexed a number of believers. Why did the Holy Spirit inspire Paul to begin with instruction to the wives? I don’t know! There are a number of differing opinions, and I do have my own. I think it has to do with the meaning of that word “submit” or “be submissive.” The word in the original language meant “a voluntary attitude of giving in, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.” The key word is voluntary. The wife voluntarily submits to her husband.

Not Meant To Lord It Over Her

So here’s the message I think the Spirit wants to convey: the husband is not meant to lord it over his wife by demanding that she submit. Rather, the wife is to willingly, voluntarily submit. If the husband were addressed first, we might have read into it that the husband’s responsibility is to demand that his wife submit. So, God removes any inclination the husband might have to demand submission by addressing the wives first: “Ladies, you need to voluntarily give in to your husband’s lead.” God commands this—not because the wife is incapable. Not because she’s not his equal. Don’t confuse submission with inequality! We submit to our bosses at work, not because of inequality, but because of order. God designed an order to the home. Even Jesus submitted to His parents as part of the created order!

Created With Specific Tasks

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Adam & Eve Created To Be A Team

After creating Adam & Eve, God gave them specific duties as male & female. The text says, “God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth” Genesis 1:28.  There were several things He outlined for them to do— be fruitful & multiply; and, fill the earth & subdue it; and, have dominion over all things! And, notice, it says that God blessed “THEM.” This was to be a “team” effort! God never intended for it to be a “MAN’S World.”

Complementary Roles

The woman complemented the man in fulfilling these duties! And, then we turn the page, of Scripture, to Genesis chapter 2, where we’re given the “details” of creation that had only been skimmed in chapter 1.  God gives them different “roles” or “duties” to fulfill— COMPLEMENTARY ROLES! They fit together by God’s creative design! He created man 1st to work the Garden— “The Lord God formed the man out of the dust from the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being.   The Lord God planted a garden in Eden… The Lord God took the man & placed him in the garden of Eden to work it and watch over it” ch. 2:7-8, 15.

God’s Charge To Adam

Interestingly, God also created man 1st with a charge to obey: “And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree of the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for on the day you eat from it, you will certainly die” ch. 2:16-17.  So, God’s command NOT to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil was given to Adam, NOT Eve! Have you ever noticed that before?

Where’s Adam?

The text details Eve’s arrival starting with v.18.  That’s significant! Which begs the question, “where was Adam”, when Satan shows up in chapter 3 and tempts Eve with the condemned fruit? Adam had received the instruction not to eat from the tree & he should have been Eve’s support to obey the command he’d been given! So, God declares, in v.18, the key to understanding God’s design for the sexes:  “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.” Adam couldn’t carry out his duties without her!

Adam Couldn’t Do It Without Her

He couldn’t be fruitful & multiply without HER! He couldn’t fill the earth & subdue it without HER! In a very dramatic way God convinced Adam that it was impossible for him to make it on his own! By delaying His creation of Eve, Adam came to recognize how important she was! God created the sexes NOT for competition; but, for cooperation, to complement! It’s hopeless to make life work, on planet Earth, the one without the other! God designed us for interdependence— MEN, you can’t do what you were created to do without women; and, WOMEN, you can’t do what you were created to do without men! That’s not what the culture says! But, the culture is WRONG! The culture didn’t design men & women. Can you imagine how different, how perfect, this world would be if it still looked like it did in Genesis 1,2?

Honoring Jesus With Our Gender

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The Culture Doesn’t Get It

We honor Jesus in our hearts when we obey Him with our lifestyles. And by our obedient lifestyle, we create curiosity. The answer the culture is giving about our sexual identity isn’t working—and it never will. But when we live sexually in obedience to God’s Word, we earn the right to share it when the world gets curious—to share with them the Gospel and God’s purpose for gender. This is difficult subject matter! It’s layered with lots of abuse and painful injuries dating all the way back to the Garden of Eden, and it’s just not easy to jump into without laying a foundation of understanding, empathy, and love.

Say It With Empathy & Love

And that is what the world needs from us: understanding, empathy, and love. It’s simply not helpful when, instead, we offer them self-righteous judgment and vindictiveness. So, let me try to unpack some of the main points from the first two chapters of Genesis—especially as it relates to gender and sexual identity. We need to take note of some of the implications it has for our homes, our families, and how it plays into our child-rearing. Keep in mind, from an interpretive standpoint of the text, that Genesis chapter 1 presents the “big picture” of God’s creative act, and chapter 2 fills in the details. Chapter 1 is like the Super Bowl headlines the day after—“Patriots Win the Most Boring Super Bowl Ever”—and chapter 2 is like the story that fills in the details of how the Patriots pummeled the Rams into submission.

What Shapes Our Opinions?

Let’s also remember the most important detail as followers of Jesus Christ: when determining our roles as men and women, God’s Word must shape our opinions—not the culture! And perhaps the most significant point of the text is that God created humanity to reflect His image: “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, all the earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth’” (Genesis 1:26). God created humanity to function as His living image over the creation. And I believe it’s correct to interpret “man” here as “mankind,” including both man and woman. I believe the next verse bears that out—God created humanity to bear His image as male and female.

God Created Maleness & Femaleness

The text says:  “So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female” (Genesis 1:27).  Our “maleness” and our “femaleness” are essential parts of being God’s image-bearers. Somehow—and I don’t want to get weird here—but somehow it seems that God is saying it was in the complementing or the completing of the man with the creation of woman that humanity was created in the image of God. That image wasn’t clear or evident until woman complemented God’s creation of man. So here’s my plea: Men and women—we need each other to correctly image God in His creation! When we grasp the significance of that, we’ll begin to glory in both manhood and womanhood. Together, we are God’s intentional design of human diversity!
 

Determining Gender Roles

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The Culture Is Broken

Our culture is broken! Have you noticed that? It’s broken because it’s made up of broken people who are born into this world totally depraved and separated from God because of their sin! Only the Gospel of Christ can adequately and accurately direct us to solutions that restore our homes and our communities! Our broken culture can’t help us! When determining our roles as men and women, God’s Word must shape our opinions, not the culture!

The Original Design

God’s original design, at Creation, can be found in Genesis, the book of beginnings! After creating Adam, “…the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.’” (Genesis 2:18) So, God designed the woman to “complement” the man— not “compliment” (as in, “Why, Adam, what a handsome, rugged man you are”)—but to “complement” or “complete” him. Yes! That means that the man was NOT complete by himself! Eve was his “completer”; and, by implication, she was also made complete by Adam! Adam and Eve, man and woman, were created and designed by God to “complement” and “complete” one another… NOT to compete!

Happiness & Fulfillment Realized

The way that men and women find genuine happiness and fulfillment is in owning the identity given to them by God, their designer! The culture is WRONG! Ladies: You will not find meaning in your life by becoming more manly and aggressive! And, men: You will not find meaning in your life by becoming more passive, effeminate, and unsure of yourself! And, for the same reason we needed to shed the ethnic jokes, we need to quit making fun of those who’ve become so twisted in their logic that they think the answer is in self-mutilation—removing the sexual organs they were created with and adding sexual prosthetic organs.

Anger With Their Creator

How sad! Their gripe is ultimately with their Creator! They’ve fallen into the same trap as Adam and Eve in the garden, when the tempter convinced them that life would be so much better if they could be their own god! Somehow, he convinced them that an all-wise God didn’t know what He was doing when He created them! So, how’s that working out? Not very well for the human race! We’ve never been more confused!

God, Help Us Love The Broken

The Apostle Paul asks, “But who are you, a mere man, to talk back to God? Will what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” (Romans 9:20) And yet, that’s exactly what we do when we fight God on the way He designed us! If you’re a follower of Jesus, let me challenge you to love the broken world of people we’re surrounded by! Jesus wept over people! He saw them as sheep without a Shepherd! We won’t win the culture wars by arguing and shouting down those who disagree with us on this issue! We won’t win with our rants on Facebook or Twitter or the blogosphere! When we’re quoting 1 Peter 3:15, “…always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you…” don’t forget the rest of it: “…however, do so with gentleness and respect…”
 

desig