A Mother’s Effective Prayer

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You Don’t Have To Be Superman

Why is it our human tendency to think that good Christians must not have any problems? Maybe it’s because we come to church and see all the smiling faces, and we assume they must have it all together. Or maybe we’ve heard too many sermons on the abundant Christian life, and we assume there’s some secret formula we have yet to discover. If we can just find it, then the Christian life will become effortless, and temptations will bounce off us like bullets off Superman!

What About Pain & Suffering?

I have a well-intentioned Christian friend who called me several times over the three-year period when I dealt with cancer, surgeries, and chemo. He told me it wasn’t God’s will that I had cancer because I was a pastor and a “good man.” And yet, I told him, “I have cancer.” None of us are immune to pain, suffering, sickness, heartache, or loss. Job is the poster child for pain and suffering, and yet Scripture’s testimony of Job was that, “…He was a man of perfect integrity, who feared God and turned away from evil” (Job 1:1, 8). He was a righteous man who endured some of the worst pain and suffering in the history of mankind. Job’s commentary on pain and suffering was that, “…mankind is born for trouble as surely as sparks fly upward” (Job 5:7). And so, it ought not to surprise us that trouble afflicts the righteous as well as the ungodly.

Look It Up In Your Bible

If you have doubts about that, check it out for yourself. Research the Bible, starting at the very beginning, and see how many of God’s faithful followers endured significant pain and loss in this life. Eventually, you’ll come to Hannah’s story in 1 Samuel 1. Her story is intertwined with that of her husband and his second wife: “There was a man from Ramathaim-zophim in the hill country of Ephraim. His name was Elkanah… He had two wives, the first named Hannah and the second Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah was childless” (1 Samuel 1:1–2).So, there was the rub—she was childless. But to make matters worse, her husband’s other wife had children and taunted her because of it. The next few verses point out her pain—she wept, she wouldn’t eat, she was deeply hurt.

Don’t Try To Counsel God

Look at this: “…the Lord had kept her from conceiving. Her rival would taunt her severely just to provoke her, because the Lord had kept Hannah from conceiving. Whenever she went up to the Lord’s house, her rival taunted her in this way every year.” So Hannah wept. The text says: “…and she would not eat… deeply hurt… Hannah prayed to the LORD and wept with many tears. Making a vow, she pleaded, ‘Lord of Hosts, if You will take notice of Your servant’s affliction, remember and not forget me, and give Your servant a son, I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life…’” (1 Samuel 1:5–11). Notice—she didn’t take matters into her own hands. She prayed. We all have more in common with Hannah’s childlessness than we may think. And we need to respond, like Hannah, by taking all our pain to the only One who can fix it.
 

Praying About Temptations

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How Did Jesus Teach Us To Pray?

Let me challenge you to take a good, long look at your prayers! Are your prayers consumed with requests? Little more than sending God a grocery list of items you want Him to do for you! If so, you need to spend some time meditating on Jesus’ response to His disciples when they approached Him: “Lord, teach us to pray!” (Matthew 6:5-13) They found a deficiency in their prayer life; so, they sought Jesus’ counsel to improve it! One of the last things He teaches them to pray about is “temptation”— “And do not bring us into temptation.”

A Warning About Being In The World

Up until this point, in Jesus’ counsel about prayer, His focus had been on praying over our relationships with God and the people around us. Now, He teaches us to pray about going out into the world, where He’s called us to make disciples; but, there’s a bit of a warning! We need to pray— “Lord, as we go into the world to advance Your kingdom, we need Your strength to help us be IN the world and not OF it!” We will face some spiritual warfare as we advance against Satan’s kingdom! There is an evil one who wants to take us down! We need to pray for the Spirit’s strength to withstand him; so, we pray for the Father’s guidance.

A Prime Motivation For Prayer

Overcoming sin and evil should be a prime motivation in our prayers! Are your prayers motivated by a desire to walk deliberately with your God? To love Him with a desire to keep His commandments? Test yourself! Are your prayers centered on the STUFF you want, or on Holy Spirit help to beat sin? Finally, Jesus adds these words, in His counsel to His disciples, about prayer: “…deliver us from the evil one…” (v.13) Earlier, in His ministry, Jesus had taught them that “…the evil one comes only to steal and to kill…” (John 10:10). He wants to steal your joy in the Lord and your love for God and others! He wants to kill your effectiveness as a disciple! And we don’t have the strength in ourselves to stand against him! We’re no match for Satan. So, Jesus is teaching us— as His disciples— to humble ourselves by praying for the Father’s protection from evil! To pray that He would deliver us from Satan! And, from falling back into sin! To stand firm and finish strong despite persecution, if we should face that kind of resistance.

Don’t Try To Counsel God

As I bring this series of posts on Jesus’ “model” prayer to a close, let me remind you never to pray like you’re trying to be God’s counselor! Never pray like you’re trying to convince God that YOU know the best way to run His kingdom! Clearly, Jesus leaves no room in His counsel on prayer for us to make prayer about what we think God should do. He’s far too wise! We’re far too ignorant of the details of His work in the world. He is an omniscient God—in other words, He knows EVERYTHING! That means He’s already considered anything you might try to convince Him to do! He may answer in the affirmative! Or, He may answer negatively! And if He does, it’s because He knows the “end from the beginning” and has the best reasons to make the wisest decision! Let us learn to pray with humility, trusting God’s answers always!
 

What Do Your Prayers Look Like?

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Are You Willing To Be Honest?

Are you willing to take a good, hard look at your prayer life? What do your prayers consist of? Are they consumed with requests? Are they filled with pleas for God to change your circumstances—make your life easier, help you earn more money at your job, or provide a new job altogether? What if none of that is God’s will for your life? Have you ever considered that? Have you ever considered that, for reasons beyond your ability to comprehend, it might not be God’s will to heal the person you’re praying for? Have you considered that, in God’s eternal plans for His glory and your good, it might not be His will for you to get the job you’ve always wanted?

The Proper Motive For Prayer

The only proper motive for prayer is God’s will. In Jesus’ model prayer, He taught His disciples to pray, “…your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). Perhaps the implication is that, rather than praying for God to change our circumstances, we ought to pray that God would use the circumstances to change us. Not until after Jesus taught the disciples to pray for God’s will does He turn His attention to praying for their individual needs. Only after submitting to God’s will in prayer does He teach them to pray, “…give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). There is so much we could say about the simplicity of that prayer request: just give us what we need today. That’s it. Don’t borrow tomorrow’s trouble. Just ask for the Father’s provision today—and leave it there.

God Already Knows What We Need

Earlier in the same text, Jesus said, “When you pray, don’t babble like the idolaters, since they imagine they’ll be heard for their many words. Don’t be like them, because your Father knows the things you need before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:7). Don’t babble lengthy prayers about your needs, Jesus said, because the Father already knows. Then Jesus turns His attention to praying for others. Again, this is a model prayer. “When you pray, pray like this,” He said. “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). In other words, pray that God would forgive you in the same way that you forgive others. Be so thankful for the Father’s forgiveness that you forgive others in the same way He forgave you—totally, completely.

God’s Absolute Forgiveness

There is nothing anyone has ever done to you that could compare to the quantity and level of depravity with which you’ve sinned against God. And yet, He forgave you. It’s not until we are truly thankful for His absolute forgiveness that we are truly able to forgive others. After He finished teaching the disciples how to pray, He shared these sobering words with them: “For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing” (Matthew 6:14–15). In essence, He’s telling them to take a hard look at themselves. If they’re unable to forgive others, it’s evidence that they may never have been forgiven themselves.
 

Prayer Is Not Counseling God

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We Don’t Know What’s Best

I’m afraid that many people treat prayer as their opportunity to counsel God on certain matters. We ought never to pray like we’re trying to convince God that we know what’s best—as if the eternal, all-wise God, who knows the end from the beginning and everything in between, needs our advice for anything! His eternal plans for creation were already laid out before the world began. The writer of Acts reminds us: “The God who made the world and everything in it—He is Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in shrines made by hands. Neither is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives everyone life and breath and all things.” —Acts 17:24–27

God Doesn’t Need Our Counsel

When it comes to prayer, let’s get one thing straight: GOD DOESN’T NEED ANYTHING… INCLUDING OUR COUNSEL! He didn’t create us because of some deficiency, hoping that we could fix Him. There’s a clear, underlying message in Jesus’ response to His disciples’ question: “Lord, teach us to pray.” God doesn’t need us—we need Him! According to Jesus’ response in Matthew 6, prayer is to be GOD-CENTERED. “Pray like this,” He says, and He begins with the “Father,” not with us. By the way, He didn’t tell them to memorize it and repeat it mindlessly—“Our Father, who art in heaven…blah, blah, blah.” He said, “…pray like this.” This is how we’re supposed to pray—it’s Jesus’ model prayer.

Don’t Try Twisting God’s Arm

Rather than making prayer our attempt to twist God’s arm over something we want Him to do, prayer should begin with a focus on God the Father. Start your conversation with the Creator of the universe by honoring Him for His character. Praise Him for who He is! Don’t rush into His presence like your schedule is what matters—“Here’s my grocery list of needs, God! Will You go shopping for me?” Show Him reverence when you pray. You’re entering the throne room of Heaven! God transcends far above anything on your agenda. There’s an order here: Your kingdom first, Father! Our greatest desire should be that God’s name is hallowed, admired, and cherished. And He’s “our” Father too, Jesus says. Never get over that great doctrine of adoption—that God has birthed us into His family!

We Become His Children

Though we were born children of wrath because of our sin, He adopts us into His family in Christ. We’re FAMILY! Depend on Him like He’s family—because He is! We’re brothers, sisters, and joint-heirs with Jesus Himself. Then Jesus models prayer by moving from the Father’s character to His KINGDOM: “Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” —Matthew 6:10 So, pray like this, Jesus says—pray for the Father’s KINGDOM and for His WILL. If we’re praying like Jesus taught us to pray, our primary concern will be for the Father’s glory and the advancement of His kingdom. Our prayers will be GOD-CENTERED. Take note of the things you pray for. Are your prayers motivated by your dreams and goals, or by God’s eternal kingdom, His will, and His plans? Mature believers pray for God’s will above their own.

Lord, Teach Us To Pray

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Bad Prayer Habits Abound

I want to begin this series of posts on the subject of prayer by sharing with you the results of a survey titled “Top Ten Bad Prayer Habits.” Here they are: #10 — “My prayers are just a grocery list!” #9 — “I make my grocery list during my prayer time!” #8 — “I only pray by myself!” #7 — “I see prayer only as my personal wish list!” #6 — “I always pray the same thing and get bored!” #5 — “I only pray when I’m in a crisis!” #4 — “I do all the talking while I pray!” #3 — “I can’t stay focused while I pray!” #2 — “I’m just too busy to start my day with prayer!” #1 — “I don’t pray at all!” Can you identify with any of that? I can! I’m guessing we’ve all had—or still do have—some bad prayer habits. Now, if you claim to be a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ, you can see how that would be a bit problematic if you don’t pray at all, right?

Praying Like Jesus

There’s an amazing New Testament text about prayer in Matthew’s Gospel. Jesus was praying, and when He finished, one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray!” Now, let me share my take on that scenario. I see it kind of like one of our typical church prayer meetings. Jesus and His disciples are all gathered in a circle praying, and the disciples have their little prayer lists: “God, keep us safe from the Romans… Help Zebedee catch lots of fish today… Help us not to get leprosy! That’s been going around… Oh, and bless the missionaries!” And when they finish, they look up—and Jesus is still praying! Minutes pass by. Maybe an hour. We don’t know. The text doesn’t tell us. But I get the idea that things begin to feel a bit awkward as the inadequacy of their own prayer lives becomes evident. Maybe they start whispering among themselves, as they often did:  “Hey, ask Him how to pray!” “I’m not gonna ask Him—that would be embarrassing! It’d be like admitting I don’t know how to pray!” However it actually worked out, one of them wrenches up the courage to ask Him: “Lord, teach us how to pray!” Not “me,” but “us”! So Jesus tells them how to pray. We need to pay attention here, church! To summarize, He tells them never to pray like they’re counseling God.

When You Pray

He told them: “…you should pray like this: Our Father in heaven, Your name be honored as holy. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not bring us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one…” —Matthew 6:9–13 If you were to underline or highlight any of Jesus’ words here, I’d go back to: v.5: “…whenever you pray…” v.6: “…when you pray…” v.7: “…when you pray…” v.9: “…pray like this…” Over the next couple of posts, we’ll dig deeper into Jesus’ instruction about prayer. And—spoiler alert—Jesus makes it clear that God doesn’t need us to tell Him what to do. That’s not prayer! Don’t hang out a shingle and try to be “God’s counselor.” Jesus tells them that prayer is how we align ourselves with God’s sovereign plans.
 

A Distinctly Christ-Centered Home (Part II)

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It’s Counter-Intuitive To The Majority Culture

In so many ways, keeping step with Jesus and Scripture is counterintuitive to the majority culture. The culture will often tell a woman to divorce her husband if they don’t share the same values. But the Apostle Peter’s Holy Spirit-inspired words tell us that a husband who is disobedient to the Lord “…may be won over without a message by the way their wives live…” (1 Peter 3:1). She doesn’t need to nag! It’s possible that the Spirit can use her life in such a dramatic way that her husband may be “won over without a message.” She doesn’t need to preach at him!

Internal Adornment & Beauty

Peter builds on that point in the verses that follow: “…when they observe your pure, reverent lives. Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes. Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes” (1 Peter 3:2–4). If you’re a wife who’s a follower of Jesus, your life should be marked by internal adornment and beauty. And let’s be clear—Peter is not teaching that women should refrain from makeup and jewelry. What he’s saying is that your life should consist of more than the “paint” and “bling” on the outside. How shallow! “Live pure and reverent lives,” he says.

Have A Beautiful Heart

Focus on making your heart beautiful by yielding to God’s Word and His Spirit. Just because you can say something doesn’t mean you should! Don’t give your husband a piece of your mind that you can’t afford to lose. My girls are familiar with a verse of Scripture that I often quoted to them: “A beautiful woman without discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout” (Proverbs 11:22). Your hope ought to be placed in God’s sovereignty—“…in the past, holy women like Sarah put their hope in God as they submitted…” (1 Peter 3:5–6). Go back and read the Genesis account of Abraham and Sarah’s life. It’s interesting that she was never present when God gave Abraham His instruction, but she submitted to Abraham by putting her hope in God’s sovereign control of the situation. She let God work out the kinks in her husband’s head. She didn’t nag!

Husband: Know Your Wife

Let me finish by drawing your attention to Peter’s words to the Christian husband: “Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives with an understanding of their weaker nature, yet showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). Your life, as a husband who follows Jesus, will be marked by an understanding of your wife. Now, I know that some of you men reading this are laughing inside—“You really think we can ever understand a woman?” No, I don’t! And this is a subject I have a really hard time preaching on because I personally stink at it so badly. But what it seems Peter is saying, in part, is that “…as you live with your wife, gain an understanding of her…” Study your wife! What causes her tension and frustration? Serve her in those areas. Be a help to her!

A Distinctly Christ-Centered Home (Part I)

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It Starts With Communication

I’m quite sure that everyone would agree that communication plays a huge part in family relationships! I heard of a man and wife who had only a dog that they loved like a child. One day, the wife headed out on a business trip, and when she got to her destination, she called home to check in with her husband. “How are things going?” she asked. His reply was shocking: “The dog’s dead.” “What?” she asked. “Why would you just come right out and say it like that? That’s devastating! Couldn’t you have told me that news a little differently? I’m miles from home, and you just blurt it out there—‘the dog’s dead.’” “Well, I don’t know how else to say it,” he responded. “I mean, he’s dead!” “Well,” she said, “you could have broken the news to me in stages.” “Like, what do you mean?” he asked. “Well, when I first called, you could have told me the dog fell off the roof. Then, when I checked in later, you might have said you had to take the dog to the animal hospital and he wasn’t doing well. The next day, you might have told me to sit down and brace myself—our darling dog has passed away! You could have done it like that so I could have handled it better.” “Okay, I get it,” he said. “I’m sorry! I’ll try to do better next time.” “Okay, thanks, honey,” she said. “I just needed to clear that up. So, how is my mother?” There was a pause. “She’s on the roof!” While that story may or may not have a whole lot to do with a distinctly Christ-centered home, I thought it was worth the chuckle it might generate.

A Uniquely Distinct Home

So let me begin this series of posts with the following statement—the life of a Christian husband and wife will be uniquely distinct from the marriages of the world! If you intend to follow Jesus, you need to settle that in your heart! The world will think us crazy, but that’s the world’s wisdom. Always remember: “The foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom” (1 Corinthians 1:25). As long as we live by “the Book,” our worldview will never be accepted by the unbelieving crowd. We need to be okay with that! Don’t be abrasive about it. Always be kind and respectful when sharing your position. Just know that your view will be rejected.

Your Life As A Christian Wife

According to the Holy Spirit of God, who inspired Peter to write these words, your life as a Christian wife will be marked by submission to your own husband: “In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live” (1 Peter 3:1). Ladies, you’ll make no friends with the “Women’s Movement” if submission marks your relationship with your husband—but you will be a friend of God! That word “submit”—in the original Greek language—means to submit voluntarily to your husband’s lead. And notice how significant that could be in an unbelieving husband’s life. If your husband is disobedient to God, God may use your obedience to win your husband over to the Lord! (PART II Next Week)

Children That Please God

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Scripture Speaks To Children

I find it interesting that in his letter to the Colossian church, Paul speaks directly to children: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” — Colossians 3:20. In a section of Scripture devoted to family issues, Paul expects children to read and adhere to his admonition. And if obedience to parents pleases the Lord, we can infer from that that God is not pleased with children who disobey their parents. Yes, He still loves them—but He’s not pleased with them!

Disobedience Produces A Hard Life

I used to tell our kids, “Hey, I’ve figured out how to never get in trouble with your parents! If you never disobey them, you’ll never get in trouble with them!” I would often remind them, “The way of the transgressor is hard!” If Paul were writing a letter to your kids today, I think he’d say something like this: “Your life is going to be hard if you insist on disobeying your parents. Why put yourself through that? Disobedience produces a hard life because your parents are always on you—and God is not pleased with you! So, OBEY! Your life will be much easier!” Jesus set the example of obedience—both to His Heavenly Father and to His earthly father.

Attitude Originates In The Heart

Obedience is a matter of the heart. It’s not just about obeying outwardly—your body language can show disrespect even if you did what you were told! Grumbling, rolling your eyes, shrugging your shoulders, stomping off, banging doors, sassing, arguing, justifying your behavior by making excuses, rationalizing with a “Jimmy’s mom doesn’t make him do that…”—all point to a disobedient attitude of the heart. And to delay is the same as disobedience! When Paul wrote on the same topic to the Ephesian church, he told them that honoring your parents will earn a reward of long life. Put the two together—HONOR your parents by OBEYING them!

Fathers Are Significant

Back to his letter to the Colossians—Paul also pointed out that fathers play a significant part in raising children who please God: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged.” — Colossians 3:21. I don’t believe that Paul is suggesting Mom has no responsibility in raising children; rather, he’s calling out Dad for his headship in the home. He’s to be the family shepherd and leader.

Don’t Crush Your Child’s Spirit

Dad needs to be the leader when it comes to voluntarily loving his wife sacrificially (as we noted in our previous post). And he needs to step up his leadership when it comes to training the children. Don’t exasperate your children, Dad—or you’ll discourage them. You’ll crush their spirit. That’s what it means to discourage them. Don’t make promises you don’t keep. Don’t change your mind without a very good reason. Don’t withhold compliments. Give them credit for the good things they do—for the times they’re obedient. They’ll remember it forever. But they’ll also remember when you fail to compliment them for a job well done. Love them unconditionally, Mom and Dad—and give them room to grow.

Complementary Love & Submission

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Taking A Vacation: Next Post August 20

It’s Not About Equality

In our culture, we tend to equate any kind of “submission” to another person as a sign of “inequality.” That’s unfortunate because it simply isn’t true! All of us submit to our boss at work—not because of inequality, but because of order! God designed order into every area of His world, including the home. Jesus Himself submitted to that order in the home: “And He (Jesus) went down with them (His parents) and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them” (Luke 2:51). I certainly hope that doesn’t mean Jesus, the second member of the Triune Godhead, was somehow beneath His human parents!

Jesus Submitted To The Father

And what of Jesus’ submission to the Father within the Triune Godhead? He is just as much “God” as the Father and the Spirit. But He voluntarily gave in to the Father’s lead: “Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage. Instead, He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men. And when He had come as a man in His external form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross” (Philippians 2:5–8). Did you see that? He was equal with God the Father, but He didn’t use that to His own advantage! Rather, He humbled Himself and voluntarily became obedient to the Father.

Wives Looking Like Jesus

Wives—nothing you do within the structure of your home makes you look more like Jesus than when you voluntarily give up control to your husband—not because you’re incapable! In fact, I’ve counseled many marriages in which the wife was clearly the more capable leader. But when she gave that up voluntarily, it changed the entire dynamics of their home. By doing so, she empowered her husband to lead and love, and she “imaged” Jesus for her children. Ladies, that’s how you complement your husband according to God’s design for the home. And men, you complement your wife’s voluntary submission by your love for her: “Husbands, love your wives…” (Colossians 3:19).

A Voluntary, Sacrificial Love

The context of this Colossians 3 passage shows that the wife’s submission is prompted by a husband who shows her unselfish love. In no way does the Scripture imply that the husband is to demand submission from his wife! It’s impossible to draw that meaning from this text. The relationships are understood to be reciprocal. He gains the voluntary submission of his wife as he loves her, and she enjoys more of his love as she voluntarily submits to him. That word translated “love” is agape in the original language, and it’s interesting that agape love is a voluntary, sacrificial kind of love. Her submission is to be voluntary, and his love is to be given voluntarily. It’s not governed by feelings—it’s a love that looks out for her best interests, regardless! A love that refuses to turn “bitter,” as Paul points out in the rest of verse 19.
 

God’s Design For The Family

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We’re All Someone’s Son or Daughter

Family and parenting are subjects that all of us can relate to! We’re all part of a family. We’re all someone’s son or daughter. If we’re married, we’re someone’s husband or wife. If not, we’re probably hoping to one day be someone’s husband or wife. Most of us either have kids or hope to have a family someday. Our infinitely wise Creator designed a husband and wife to complement—or complete—each other. And He’s also designed the family to work together in a certain way.

Something Beautiful Happens

When the family works the way God designed it, something awesome and beautiful happens! Families bring glory to God and joy to each family member when God’s design specifications are followed by faith. The Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the ancient church of Colossae that is hated by the world. But if, by faith, you will believe God’s Word and live it out—by the power of God’s Holy Spirit—your family will bring glory to God, and you will find joy! Your life will be a blessing to your family and to everyone you rub shoulders with in life. “And whatever you do,” Paul begins, “in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Wives, be submissive to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so they won’t become discouraged.” —Colossians 3:17–21.

Do It God’s Way

Whatever you do, Paul says, do it God’s way—according to His design—including husbands, wives, and families! That’s the context here. Wives! He begins with wives. If you want to bring glory to God and live a joy-filled life, be submissive to your husband. Now, the order has perplexed a number of believers. Why did the Holy Spirit inspire Paul to begin with instruction to the wives? I don’t know! There are a number of differing opinions, and I do have my own. I think it has to do with the meaning of that word “submit” or “be submissive.” The word in the original language meant “a voluntary attitude of giving in, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.” The key word is voluntary. The wife voluntarily submits to her husband.

Not Meant To Lord It Over Her

So here’s the message I think the Spirit wants to convey: the husband is not meant to lord it over his wife by demanding that she submit. Rather, the wife is to willingly, voluntarily submit. If the husband were addressed first, we might have read into it that the husband’s responsibility is to demand that his wife submit. So, God removes any inclination the husband might have to demand submission by addressing the wives first: “Ladies, you need to voluntarily give in to your husband’s lead.” God commands this—not because the wife is incapable. Not because she’s not his equal. Don’t confuse submission with inequality! We submit to our bosses at work, not because of inequality, but because of order. God designed an order to the home. Even Jesus submitted to His parents as part of the created order!